When Men Leave: Four Things Single Mothers Should Never Tell Their Children

 

In an idyllic situation, the man and the woman who created children together should lovingly raise them. Unfortunately, this doesn't always happen. However, when men leave, women can still emotionally empower their children and provide for them. It starts with having a positive mindset about motherhood and making sure you stay strong as well as do and say the right things. First, a mother must see her children as blessings from God instead of burdens. Hopefully, a mother and a father can co-parent even when their relationship has ended, but if this is not possible, a woman must believe that she and her children can be healthy and happy despite the absence of a man.

Here are four things a single mother should never tell her children:

1.    Never tell your children they cannot have something because their father isn’t present. Teach them that their Heavenly Father will provide their needs and more. As a single mother, you are the spiritual leader in a home. You must set an example of prayer and how to have a personal relationship with God. Through your relationship with Him, you have trust and faith that everything will be fine. God will put wisdom in your mind and heart about how to get all the things you need for your children.

2.    Never say derogatory things about your children’s father. When you vilify or demonize their father you impact your children in a negative way. No one is perfect. Let your children know this and try to focus on the best or good in their other parent. On their own, they will see their father’s character and make decisions about what kind of relationship they can have. While things might not be good today, healing is possible, and a special bond might be formed later. You might ruin this from happening when you constantly highlight a father’s weaknesses rather than his strengths. Teach your children that they should always pray for the other parent no matter what. At the same time, point to righteous examples of manhood in their schools, community, and around the world. There are good men for them to emulate. It is your duty as a mother to help your children see things and explain why that’s important.

3.    Never make your children feel like something bad is going to happen to them because their father is not around. Children will not die, go blind, or lose a limb because their father is absent for whatever the reason. I must reiterate that they will not die but live if you believe this and teach them to focus on who they have—you, instead of who they don’t have. Thousands of successful and sane people were raised by single mothers. Your children will always remember your goodness and sacrifices when you stay positive and find ways to empower them as best as you can. Teach them that love is stronger than loss.

4.    Never negatively compare your children to their father. Please try not to take out your pain and anger for your ex on your children by putting him down, but then turning around and comparing a child to him. It will be psychologically and spiritual damaging to the child and will create a painful rift between you and your son or daughter that will not be easily mended. You must be disciplined about what you say to your children. Verbal abuse can be just as destructive, if not more, than other forms of maltreatment. Your children are God’s property so be very mindful about what you say and do to them.

Remember, their father is the person you chose to procreate with. You must take responsibility for your own choices, heal, and move forward with a renewed mind. They didn’t get all their bad ways from him; children get their DNA and personality from both parents as well as their uniqueness from God. Making your children feel like they will have less or be less because their biological father’s ways will lead to a myriad of serious problems. It can cause mental and behavioral problems that you will regret.

Lastly, please be careful about trying to “find a father” for your children. Countless children are being abused and killed by men that those mothers allowed into their lives—men who don’t and are incapable of loving them because they have no spiritual connection with our Divine Creator. As a single mother, if you decide to date, please do so with caution. In fact, keep your children away from strangers who are potential predators. Everyone must be treated as guilty until proven innocent when it comes to your children’s lives. It’s extremely difficult to heal from abuse. When you bring a toxic man into their lives, you are betraying them, and they will never forget that. Decide that you will not be the cause of your children’s nightmares and trauma. God gave them as a gift to you. He entrusts you to do the right thing. I encourage you to be an honorable woman whose love for her children will be demonstrated with words and deeds.

Listen to my podcast and discover that nurturing faith in our Heavenly Father is truly the best gift you can give the fatherless. 

Bad Thought Therapy Podcast: https://anchor.fm/cherie-hardy/episodes/When-Men-Leave-Things-Single-Mothers-Should-Never-Say-to-Their-Children-e1d204l

With Love,

 

C. Chérie Hardy

Copyright © 2022 by C. Chérie Hardy